


As Mad As A Cow

by BlackIris



Category: Captain America (Movies), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, DP has motives and I can’t bring myself to blame him, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-19 00:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14863215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackIris/pseuds/BlackIris
Summary: Prompts will be in bold throughout fic:23: I didn’t know we were keeping track.





	As Mad As A Cow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Joey99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joey99/gifts).



> I have no explanation for this. It’s cracky and just... the title says it all. Enjoy!

“Not again.” Steve sighs to himself, staring at the fridge that’s beyond full. Every space filled with frozen ice pops. 

“You know you wouldn’t get flash backs of being on the ice if you didn’t stand there with the door open, oh captain, my captain.” Wades says between slurps on an almost empty otter pop tube.

“That’s not.. Wade, why did you do this?” Steve asks, motioning to the fridge.

Wade shrugs, tossing the wrapper in the sink and grabbing another ice pop. “Well, when the Blue Ice Machine, that hangs out with your eventual baby mama, didn’t want to freeze them for me, what other choice did I have?”

“Did you ask Loki nicely?” Steve chuckles, taking an ice pop for himself.

Wade scoffs in feigned hurt. “I even offered to suck his – oh, hello, sugar plum fairy!”

Bucky rolls his eyes, looking to Steve. “Do I want to know?”

“No.” Steve says simply, shaking his head.

“Not unless I want more therapy, huh?” Bucky asks, opening the fridge with mild confusion at all the ice pops in the fridge.

“I can play doctor if you’re up for it.”

“Wade do you ever shut up?” Bucky asks, taking a fist full of random ice pops from the fridge.

“Not while I’m awake.” Wade looks and winks to the wall. “I do have a proposition for you two though.”

“For the last time. I’m not doing a nude calendar, and I don’t care if it’s for charity.” Bucky says, “I shoulda stayed in cryo.”

“Think of the children!” Wade pouts. When he doesn’t get a reaction, he continues. “Penguins? No? Okay. Fine.”

Silence fills the kitchen aside from the crunch of flavored ice. 

“Okay.” Steve breaks the silence. “Did you actually have something for us?”

“Oh yes.” Wade smiles wickedly. “Queue the ominous music and planning montage!”

* * *

 

“Uhh.” Darcy huffs, dropping onto the couch, and setting her feet on the coffee table. “That’s the fifth time this week. Just this week! It’s only Wednesday! Wednesday Steve!”

 **“I didn’t know we were keeping track.”**  Steve smirks from the kitchen, cup of coffee in his hand.

“It’s gotta stop or something. I feel like I’m losing my freaking mind brain!”

“Wade is his own force of nature, doll. You know there’s not much I can do to counter him once he gets an idea in his head.”

“But he likes you more. Can’t you talk to him?”

Steve shrugs shaking his head, doing his best to maintain a poker face.

“Fine. Can Bucky talk to him?”

“You already owe Buck, you wanna owe him two?”

“Fuck. You’re right.”

“Have you tried calling Logan?”

Darcy nods, arching a brow. “Once I said ‘Wade’ he hung up on me. Does no one want to deal with him?”

“Not when he’s like this.”

“Freaking pranking war rampage!” Darcy says, throwing a pillow to the other end of the couch. “How does he even know – how? Why?”

“You know..” Steve trails off, smirking behind his coffee cup.

“Ug. What Steve?”

“You could ask Loki for help.”

“Steve.”

“What? It’s better than asking Tony. If he’s involved whenever this game ends, Tony’ll never let anyone live it down. At least with Loki, you know he can be discrete.”

“I just don’t want it to get awkward with him in the lab. Ever since he started helping Jane and Bruce, they’ve gotten so much farther in their work than they ever thought they could do in this life time.”

“But?”

“But Wade is getting on my last nerve!”

“Is it interfering with your work?”

“Yes.”

“Then it might be best to get help.” Steve says with a shit eating smile. “You know, metaphorically throw Loki at him.”

“Oh, I’ll do more than that!” Darcy says, standing up with determination. “Imma play dirty now. With the god of lies and mischief on my side, how can I lose?”

“Go give ‘em hell, sugar.” Steve chortles.

Darcy nods and leaves to find Loki and start her revenge.

“You happy now, Wade? She’s on the warpath.” Steve asks, looking down to where the Merc with the mouth sat scribbling away with a crayon on printer paper.

 

“This is going to be legend – wait for it,” Wade smiles holding up his drawing of him sitting atop a cow that looks suspiciously like Loki.


End file.
